I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
