I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
3 2 1 whiskey
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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