tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
