I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i will never coherently bang her
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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