DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
