u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
