Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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