I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
