Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
