I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
