Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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