you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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