Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
