you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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