I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
