Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Is Oprah even human
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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