Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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