The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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