You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Randomize
