24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
