my vag is so smooth its legendary
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
