I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
