Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
