What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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