ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
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