she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
