Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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