Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
farters have to be the big spoon...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
