batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
