It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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