Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
