my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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