4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
