I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
