you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
pray to the hookup gods
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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