Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
