I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
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