So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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