who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
