I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Semen is not good for contacts.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
