Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
