oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
