yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
