Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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