what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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