I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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