She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
