She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
