It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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