you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
