Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
