I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
