wanna go halves on a baby?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
