Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
