Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
