Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
