No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
